Am I Oblivious?
by Christopher Jones
I have come to realize over the past few days that people are, for the most part, completely oblivious. I had believed that people thought and considered things as much as I did. That while they may speak before thinking, they did at some point think. I believed that they took the time at some point during their lives to understand people and at least believed themselves that they understood where people were coming from and what others thought. I assumed that people at least had their own opinions and beliefs about what other people in their lives thought about things in general (people, events, etc). Maybe they realized that they didn’t know if they hadn’t asked, but they had an opinion at least. The point being that I believed the thoughts of people crossed other people’s minds from time to time.
But that is ludicrous, isn’t it? People don’t have a clue what each other are thinking, do they? I used to think people were just being polite in what they chose not to say, chose not to ask. But they aren’t, are they? They have just never thought about what is going on in the heads of their friends and coworkers. I cannot even comprehend not trying to understand how people think. How do they not get offended all the time or not stick their foot in their mouth all the time if they don’t know how people will take their comments? How many opportunities are being missed because people don’t even realize they want the same things someone else does? Do people think their lives are so full and important that they cannot take the time to try and understand the mind of the people they know? Like I said, I cannot even comprehend it.
Which actually leads me to my thoughts of the day. If so many people are oblivious to what is going on around them, to what people think and feel and experience around them, am I in the dark as well? Do I have my blinders on? Perhaps in my quest to understand myself and the people around me, I have overlooked the obvious. I do not know, but I have found it always dangerous to state something concerning others without looking in the mirror. So that is what I’m doing at the moment, seeing what it is that I am missing. What is it that is obvious if I would only look. What is it that I should have asked, but never thought to. What is it that I should have considered, but could not see?
If you have any thoughts, let me know. If you know something I have missed or just ignored or should have seen, give me a call or catch me on IM. No one grows in the dark. We have to place ourselves in the light if we are ever to be more.
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First, my caveat–I’ve had a lot of wine.
I, too wonder what goes on in the heads of others.
As far as I’m concerned, I find myself looking at each individual and trying to decide what is going on with them. See them in a situation and try to figure out what it is they are going to do, what they think, what their priorities are concerning certain situations, and truthfully–People disappoint me. I will admit I am naive. I have been hurt, burned, and disappointed more times than I can count because I unrealistically think that people share the sames ideals and compassion for others that I do.
I do, however, keep my mouth shut more often than not.
I don’ t know if this comment fit along with what you were going with, but I promise to reread in the morning when things will be more coherent.
I like you Chris. I like reading what you write, even though I may not always comment.
Thanks for being my friend….
Thanks Kris, that’s precisely where I was going.
Like you, I tend to keep my mouth shut. I had assumed that others were doing the same, just being polite and not bringing up certain topics. And like you, I have been disappointed in people, though perhaps for a different reason.
I haven’t thought that others think like I do, but I have assumed that they knew what they thought, even if it ran counter to my views. But lately I am finding that people do not know what they think, much less anyone else. They do not look beyond their own limited views to see things through someone else’s eyes. They do not attempt to feel what others feel and understand the priorities of others.
I am really hoping that I am just having a bad experience with people lately in this regard, but I am getting the idea more and more that we are the unusual ones and the rest of the world is just too self-centered to give a damn.
You know, I really do think we are the exception to the rule. I may have a knee-jerk reaction (actually thought, as I don’t react) about a situation, but I always stop and try to give people the benefit of the doubt for their actions or the way that they are expressing themselves–I don’t know their life experiences, what they’ve been through, what they know, or even if they’re just having a bad day, but I’ve found that very few people react as I do. As sad as it is, there are compassionate, emotionally and intellectually mature individuals, but people as a collective group suck.