precisely…
-sigh-

i am looking forward to learning your story.

In this case, mine was a memory I would not have admitted I had if asked. If you had asked if I loved her, I would have said, “Of course not, how could I? It has been too long.” But in the darkness, there was that glimmer of what might have been… if the stars had aligned and time reverted to days long gone. if a different path had been chosen, one that didn’t take me to live in 3 states in as many years. It is that vague, unblemished fantasy of who we could have been… had we somehow been made perfection.

I unknowingly allowed this, along with what I consider my greatest failure (which I will not be blogging about), to restrict my thought process. Somethings I would not allow, would not consider, for some unrational fear that things wouldn’t messure up. The memory preventing her from meauring up. The failure preventing me.

But I believe I see things more clearly now. I still have no idea what is going on. I only know myself, my past, and who I am striving to be. I am expecting a fair amount of pain, a fair amount of relief, and a healthy dash of closure to be upcoming.

I am working on being more honest with people about who I am. So many people who don’t know a damn thing think they know. Those I don’t care about. But a few… a few know me best and still don’t know. They are the ones.

We all have a story. It is high time some people knew mine, from the eyes of the only person who has ever lived it.